Post by Denethor on Apr 19, 2010 20:17:58 GMT -5
It is this: never, under any circumstances, buy a Hewlitt Packard printer. Never.
It has one setting: "scan your drunk pics from 1986 and upload them to a social network". This is the default setting. Open an option box, and your options will be: scan photos, upload photos, transfer photos, black and white, color, or make a photocopy for your coworker so he can upload your drunk pic to his Facebook site. Nowhere will there be, "print a garden variety document". Open help, and you'll get: "likely problems: (a) the printer is not turned on, because you are still too drunk to find the buttons" (b) "your dumb sorority chick sister uploaded her drunk pics last night and f*cked with it", or (c) "there is still no photo featuring any genitalia on the platen glass". Nowhere will be "ah-ha! I see! You are trying to print a business PDF! OK, click this box here to turn off all the dumb blonde social settings and do that". Nowhere can you do anything non-drunk-pic related, like say selecting the default printer, which I just tried to do for about an hour before giving up. (Modern office software settings don't include that option either. Their options are "go to our useless web site" or "whack Bill Gates repeatedly with a hammer"...ok, sorry, I made that last one up). Run a search and the closest you'll get is "restore the factory defaults", which I don't dare do because I'm pretty sure said defaults read "take a video of your sister's tits and upload it to YouTube automatically", and, of course, I am in my 40s and have long since learned that I want to keep speaking to my sister. Who, just to clarify, is in my case neither a blonde nor a sorority chick, and is most certainly not dumb, which is probably why my printer isn't working. It can probably detect these facts about my sister even though she is not a printer or a computer, but a human being, and she lives in another town.
Arrrggghhh!!! What happened to the old style computer where you had the option of setting things yourself? Why does everything have to be set up for silly play applications, idiot stuff, and on total lockdown when you try to get anything done? No wonder everyone in the US works so hard and we still have the lowest productivity on Earth. Can we just burn the things already?
It has one setting: "scan your drunk pics from 1986 and upload them to a social network". This is the default setting. Open an option box, and your options will be: scan photos, upload photos, transfer photos, black and white, color, or make a photocopy for your coworker so he can upload your drunk pic to his Facebook site. Nowhere will there be, "print a garden variety document". Open help, and you'll get: "likely problems: (a) the printer is not turned on, because you are still too drunk to find the buttons" (b) "your dumb sorority chick sister uploaded her drunk pics last night and f*cked with it", or (c) "there is still no photo featuring any genitalia on the platen glass". Nowhere will be "ah-ha! I see! You are trying to print a business PDF! OK, click this box here to turn off all the dumb blonde social settings and do that". Nowhere can you do anything non-drunk-pic related, like say selecting the default printer, which I just tried to do for about an hour before giving up. (Modern office software settings don't include that option either. Their options are "go to our useless web site" or "whack Bill Gates repeatedly with a hammer"...ok, sorry, I made that last one up). Run a search and the closest you'll get is "restore the factory defaults", which I don't dare do because I'm pretty sure said defaults read "take a video of your sister's tits and upload it to YouTube automatically", and, of course, I am in my 40s and have long since learned that I want to keep speaking to my sister. Who, just to clarify, is in my case neither a blonde nor a sorority chick, and is most certainly not dumb, which is probably why my printer isn't working. It can probably detect these facts about my sister even though she is not a printer or a computer, but a human being, and she lives in another town.
Arrrggghhh!!! What happened to the old style computer where you had the option of setting things yourself? Why does everything have to be set up for silly play applications, idiot stuff, and on total lockdown when you try to get anything done? No wonder everyone in the US works so hard and we still have the lowest productivity on Earth. Can we just burn the things already?